Monday, April 7, 2008

Faking It

Do you ever have to do anything that you feel like you're just "faking your way through?" I spent the better part of my day filling out spreadsheets on Excel for my Women's Ministry budget and calendaring process. Believe me, I had no idea what I was doing! But in the end, I do believe I produced a product that made me look quite proficient at Excel. Of course, those who peruse my forms will never know about all the times I just had to quit the form I was working on, scratch everything I'd done up to that point and start all over again simply because I didn't know how to just back up one step. No, I had to start over! But they'll never know...
Come to think of it, I fake my way through a lot of things in life. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl who's just pretending to be an adult. For instance, I'm not sure I load my dishwasher correctly. Is there a right way to load your dishwasher? If there is I never learned it and I'm just faking my way through the whole dishwasher thing every day. I'm not sure I make the bed the right way, I doubt I bathe my dogs correctly, and I have no idea if I'm using the right cleaners and polishes and soaps on all my furniture, appliances, windows, and fixtures. Worst of all, every time I go to the store to buy simple things like hairspray or shampoo or mascara I have to read all the labels and try to figure out what in the world it is I need from these beauty products. Other women seem to just know these things, but maybe they're just faking it too.
I remember Tom Hanks (or was it Meg Ryan) saying on You've Got Mail that Starbucks simply presents those who can't make a simple decision in any other area with the opportunity to make one very clear and concise decision each morning so that they'll feel like they know what they're doing rest of the day (or something like that). I find that amazingly true. I take great satisfaction in ordering my "grande, decaf, iced, caramel machiatto with fat free milk." But the best part of all is when they call your order back to you after they've finished making it and you walk up to the counter to get it, feeling like everyone around you must be so impressed that you managed to order such a specific beverage! And yet, you know you're just faking it. You only managed to order such a sophisticated drink because it's the same one you always order and if you had to order something else you'd be up a creek!
The good news is, I don't have to fake it with my God. He knows me too well and when I stupidly try to fake it with Him, I can almost see Him shaking His head and chuckling at me. He doesn't condemn me for it, He just gets tickled at my silliness. So I don't try to fake it with Him very much. And what a relief that is. I can sputter and second guess and shrug my shoulders in confusion over and over and He loves me just the same. He knows what He's doing, so I don't have to. But I don't have to fake it either. What a blessing!

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